The best fan letter I've ever gotten

Hal Learnard was the winner of the "Best Maine Expressions" contest (see his entry here) received his complimentary copy of The Ghost Trap. This is the card I got in the mail Saturday.

"Hey K.
As soon as I saw this card I knew exactly who I had to send it to. I enjoyed your book a great deal. I must admit, I was hoping for a "happily ever after" ending but that wouldn't be reality. After spending a couple of summers on 700 Acre Island, I know your character descriptions were right on the money. Again, really enjoyed the book and am anxiously awaiting your next one! Best of luck, Hal

PS I can offer one piece of critique. In cribbage, only five cards are dealt when playing four-handed.

PPS The picture shows what happens when you don't turn the button.

Congrats to Hal Learnard of Washburn, ME! In our "Best Maine Expression" contest, he won the most votes with his old-time saying:

HE'S LIKE THE BUTTON ON THE BACKHOUSE DOOR, HE'S BEEN AROUND A LOT!!!!

Now if you didn't quite get what that means (and I have to admit, I was stumped) here's Hal's explanation:

The expression comes from the LOCK on the old time out house.  The door swings out and when closed it is held in the lock position by a short slat with a nail in the middle. When you turn the slat (button) AROUND one way (horizontal) it holds the door against the frame. Turn the BUTTON AROUND to the vertical position and it allows the door to open. Hence : the lock gets turned around a great deal.

Get it? Ha ha ha!!

Anyway, congrats to Hal who gets a personalized copy of The Ghost Trap sent to him today and thanks to everyone else who put in some mighty choice expressions, some of which I'll list here. Some others were just too dirty--(but freakin' funny) to print!

“Give ’er tha dinnah, guy.” Usually chanted while someone is doing something stupid and show offy in a big, muddy truck.

“She's got a wicked nice body but looks like someone took a clam rake to her face”

Being a parent: “if you can’t feed em, don't breed em.”

"It’s blowin’ like a whore at a Legionairs convention…."

" Jeeh-zus, I wus sweatin hahda than a two dollah whore on fitty cent nite."

How much a girl weighs:
"She’s four ax-handles cross the width guy, guy!!!"

How to console someone:
"Get a couplah Bud poundahs in ya and you’ll be alright there, guy."

On someone's intelligence
"Oh that guy? He’s nummah than a hake."

When your truck won't work.
"What’s wrong? Is it all stove up?"

When you see someone you think you know:
"Hey, wasn’t you the blueberry princess? Was that you up to Walmahts?"

When something goes wicked fast:
“It’s like sh** through a tin horn”

How big is her ass?
“She’s got the ass the size of a $2 mule’s”

The way Mainers comment on anything:
"Christ, bub. Jeezum, guy."

If you weren't born in Maine:
"Just because your cat has her kittens in the oven don’t mean you can call ’em biscuits."

On being scared:
"Shaking hardah than a dog sh****n’ razor blades…guy.”

The all-time classic:
“Hahd tellin’, not knowin’.”

How did you get so drunk?
"Well I was “bailin it right to me.”

On the proper way to say Bangor
“Banger – I didn’t even know her”